The Conversation That Broke My Heart (Again)

This Journal entry is available in two ways: you can read it below, or press play to hear me sharing it in my own voice.

This one feels tender to share.
I’ve started it a few times, then stopped, because it sits right in that place where my heart lives… and where so many of yours live too.

But I’m sharing it anyway, because I don’t think it’s triggering. I actually think it might be healing. And because this is a conversation I hear all the time, and the narrative around it desperately needs to change.

The moment that stopped me in my tracks

This morning, in the school playground, a mum said to me:

“I’d have loved to do hypnobirthing. But my labour went completely wrong. Everything went wrong. Hypnobirthing wouldn’t have made a difference.”

And it hit me — not because she was wrong, but because that belief is so unbelievably common.

I would never invalidate someone’s experience.
I would never add even a whisper of guilt or shame.
Her feelings are her truth.
Her story is hers.

But inside? A part of me always aches when I hear it.

Because so many women feel like their birth was something that happened to them… something they had no power in… something that spiralled so fast that nothing could ever have helped.

I felt that way, too, after my first birth, even after using hypnobirthing.
Fear took over. I was terrified of losing my baby, and that changed everything.

Let’s talk gently and honestly

It’s not that hypnobirthing would have “fixed” everything.
It’s not magic. It’s not a guarantee.
And it’s definitely not about creating a perfect, silent, serene birth (I used hypnobirthing and I was not silent).

And if you’ve ever wondered what hypnobirthing actually is — beyond the stereotypes — I’ve written a gentle explanation here.

But hypnobirthing can change how you feel.
It can change what you know.
It can change how you’re spoken to.
It can change the decisions you make in the moments that matter.
And it can change the entire emotional landscape of your birth — even when things go wildly off-plan.

(Notice I say off-plan, not “wrong.” Birth doesn’t go “wrong.” It just goes differently.)

And I’ll be honest…
The hypnobirthing I learned in my first pregnancy didn’t give me everything I needed. There were gaps. Gaps that I now teach into with everything I have.

Because hypnobirthing should give you that sense of grounding. It should empower you in any scenario — even the one you fear the most.

When I teach now, we talk about your “worst-case scenario” on purpose. Not to scare you, but to give you back control over it.

Because imagine someone saying to you:

“If you need a caesarean, here’s what you can choose. Here’s how you stay calm. Here’s how you stay in your power.”

That would have changed everything for me.

The heartbreaking truth

What breaks my heart, truly, deeply, is that so many women don’t get the chance to know any of this before they go in. It’s not that they’re failed individually. It’s that our culture has failed us.

We aren’t taught how powerful our birth physiology is.
We aren’t given the tools early enough.
We aren’t shown how much control we actually have.
We aren’t raised to feel empowered — in birth, or in so many other parts of life.

Birth is something our bodies were built to do. Not always easily. Not always straightforwardly (me included). But with far more ownership and voice than we’re ever told.

Even in what people call their “worst-case scenario,” there is space for control, calm, and choice.

So, what is hypnobirthing really about?

It’s not about creating the perfect birth.
It’s about helping you feel:

This is my body.
My voice.
My choices.
My birth — however it unfolds.

That’s the heart of it.

And if this is you…

If you’re reading this thinking:

“That was my birth.”
or
“I don’t want to feel that way in my birth”
or
“I just want things to be different next time” — whether next time is days, weeks, years away…

Please send me a message.

Not because I want to sell you anything. I don’t care if you do hypnobirthing with me, with someone else, or not at all.

I just don’t want one more woman to sit with the belief:

“It was awful. Nothing could ever have helped.”

Because you deserve to know you have options.
You deserve support.
You deserve to feel ownership over your birth.
And above all, you need to know that none of it was your fault.

Nothing that happens in labour is your fault.
But we are not told that loudly enough.

This wasn’t an easy one to share

It matters.
It gets to me every single time I hear someone say hypnobirthing wouldn’t have made a difference.

Because women don’t deserve to feel powerless. They don’t deserve to be uninformed. And they absolutely don’t deserve to walk away from birth believing they failed.

If this lands with even one woman who needed to hear it…
then sharing it was worth every shaky breath.