Why Feeling in Control of Birth Matters More Than the Perfect Plan

If birth always went to plan, the world would be a very different place.

When I think back to my three girls’ births, not one of them looked the way it did in my head. My first was a hospital induction that felt forced. My second was the most healing, empowering home birth with my midwife friend by my side. My third was back in hospital, and even though the setting wasn’t what I pictured, it still felt magical.

The truth? It was never really about the plan. It was about how much control I felt within it.

The myth of the perfect plan

We’re told to write a birth plan like it’s a script: bullet points, colour-coded preferences, neat tick-boxes to hand over when the big day arrives. But here’s the thing: your body and baby don’t read scripts.

With my first birth, at Diana Princess of Wales Hospital, the plan didn’t matter. The induction swept in, and suddenly I was clinging to something I didn’t choose. It left me feeling like birth was happening to me, not with me. It’s not as if it was a terrible birth, my knowledge meant that I knew what was happening at each stage and I was telling myself that I was in control of every decision, but really, deep down I knew that I was just nodding and agreeing to whatever they said because after 4 previous miscarriages, I was terrified of losing my baby.

What control really looks like

So many women I work with here in Grimsby and Cleethorpes tell me the same thing: they want to walk into birth feeling calm, confident, and powerful — not just hoping for the best.

Control doesn’t mean micromanaging every moment. It doesn’t mean predicting the unpredictable. It means knowing yourself so well, and preparing so deeply, that whatever happens, you still feel like you hold all of the power, this is your birth and you matter.

With my second birth at home, I felt that. Not because the candles were lit or because it was “perfect” on paper, but because I had the tools, the mindset, the confidence, and the support to make decisions and trust myself. I had done the preparation, I knew in my heart that no matter the outcome, no matter how I birthed my baby, I had the tools that I needed to stop myself from spiralling out of control 

That’s what true control is. Not the room you’re in, not whether it’s gas and air or an epidural, not even whether the plan goes “right.” It’s how much power you still feel in your own hands.

Shifting from plan to power

If you’re pregnant right now, I want you to know this:

• You don’t need the perfect plan.
  
• You don’t need to know exactly how it will unfold.
  
• What matters is how prepared you feel to meet it.
  

This is why I created The Mama Spring METHOD. It’s not about following my way, it’s about helping you find your way, with the mindset, education, tools, support, ownership, and connection to carry you through.

Because control doesn’t live in the plan. It lives in you.

Are you ready for more?

If you’re staring at a blank birth plan, wondering how on earth to cover every possibility, let me tell you this: you don’t need to.

You don’t need perfection. You need preparation that makes you feel calm, capable, and completely in control — no matter what.

I meet so many mums here in Grimsby and Cleethorpes who tell me the same thing: they don’t want to just ‘get through’ birth, they want to feel present and powerful in it.

If you’re in North East Lincolnshire and preparing for birth, my courses are designed to give you that sense of control — so you can walk into Diana Princess of Wales Hospital or your own living room, knowing you are ready.